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Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts

Friday, April 20, 2018

The Pearl

Originally written as a submission on FaithWriters.com for the weekly challenge topic 'rich,' it is real.  It took a while to move through the phases of grief, but God is faithful and propelled me forward in His timing.  You won't find much humor in this one.  You will find a heart bare with emotion.  I pray you find your hope in Jesus as you read about this widow who realizes a grit of irritation produces a pearl in nature.  She compares this to her loss and how she is being refined during this season of life.


I gaze longingly at a distant horizon, one lost in the haze of memory. I do not notice the coppery topaz sky over mountains, the soft gray and peach of polished jasper. The vivid ruby and carat rich golden glow of sunset captures me in a perfect setting. I remember the ring of promise.

Morphing to a crisp fall day, I recall the emerald grass near the rushing water of a stream as I commit myself to a life with the man of my dreams. Our past washes away like the garnet red maple leaf twisting in the current. Our now, glowing amber with the warmth of true love, we revel in the newness. Our future, an opal mist of possibility, fills us with barely contained excitement. Once separate dreams join in a kaleidoscope of jewels, crowning us for growing old together. He calls me beautiful, his princess. I tumble deeper into the treasure of his eyes, the circle of his arms.

A subtle shift of shadows, I find a world of onyx. The light disappears, lost in the corners of a heart broken with loss, cracked with uncertainty. Despair envelopes me in a tarnished cloak, heavy with grief. I search the world around me for a glimmer of hope to cut through the pain. My chest constricts with pitted bands of loneliness.

Like a ring tucked into a jewel box, the sun slips lower. The turquoise edges of the sky flow gently into sapphire twinkling with diamonds. I look down at my wedding ring. A ghost of a smile creases my face as joy polishes the tumbling oppressive thoughts. Crystal clarity, a unique necklace of peace with a platinum locket of hope settles against my heart.

The now amethyst sky glimmers with the rising silver moon. Chuckling softly, I wrap myself in surety of a reunion. Though widowed, I am not alone. As complex as I am, my logic is simple, my faith strong. The irritants of this life, the trials, temporary and fleeting, refine us. They circle and adhere, creating jewels. They turn us into treasured servants for Christ. Gazing up, I whisper a prayer.


Lord, Thank You for the time with my husband. Thank You for filling the hole in my heart with the richness of Your love for me. I pray I honor You as I move through this stage of life. I pray this time of refinement glorifies You. When I stand before You, I pray You find me a pearl. Amen.

Friday, April 13, 2018

She's Back?

I know some of you have been wondering where I have been.  I took some time to develop a few projects and increase readership on the Guardian Angels page in Facebook.  I am just shy of my goal, but feel compelled to not wait any longer.

Exciting and wonderful things are happening.  God called me to write.  Life got complicated with loss - job, spouse, immediate and extended family members, pet.  All of that poured out of the pen as sorrow and pain, no joy to be found, even between the lines.  Yes, it was all circumstantial.  Yes, I know my joy is found in Jesus and the joy of the Lord is my strength.

Every time I thought I was on the up and up, something held me back.  God taught me to draw, He even moved my hand at times while my eyes were closed.  God taught me what real love is - esteeming others higher than myself.  He taught me compassion - your pain is my pain too.  I now know, God was leading me to 'be still' while He worked.  Late in 2016, early 2017, He told me, 'all you've written thus far was for you.  Now it's time to write for Me.'  WOW!  I thought I was writing for You Lord and please forgive me for failing.

God is so great, He showed me the writing I've done, never posted, was healing me.  It's not bad, just not as edifying or glorifying as it should be.  God used this time to spread the balm of Gilead on my wounds, to fill my broken heart with the purest gold of His love, to clean the cobwebs from the attic of my mind, and to teach me how to walk again as His child.

Thank You Lord for Your unfailing love!  Thank You Jesus for not giving up on me.  Thank You Father for leading me to be the 'whosoever' and guiding me to trust You, even when I cannot see.  Amen!